There's no reason I'm choosing this oddity to share here first... just because it's brand new. This is a writer's group exercise (to write an online personals ad), which I elected to approach from a darkly humourous angle.
Feedback is, of course, welcome...
-----------------------------
Woman of a certain age and shape seeks soul mate
Must be willing to surrender everything to the one you love (me), to adopt my particular form as your physical ideal and to be my ardent admirer in all areas. The sound of my voice must thrill you and the scent of my body intoxicate you. I will become your drug.
I expect to occupy the center of your attention at all times, and while I am absent, you should spend your free time devising new ways to please me. You will be expected to pay frequent sincere compliments without being asked. It is essential that you know exactly what I am thinking at all times to ensure that you do not say anything that might hurt, shock or antagonize me. You must learn to consider my feelings and well-being to be a sacred trust which it is your task to nurture with the utmost care and tenderness.
I am unique, and I know exactly what I want. You will be expected to know what that is at all times, to serve me without question or complaint and to worship me as your Queen. I will not reciprocate the worship (though I will occasionally caress your flesh and feed you enough crumbs of affection to keep you enslaved) because living in a patriarchal society has put me off Kings. Women must rule! - beginning at home, of course.
Once I have practiced my domination technique on you and gotten it right, I will move on to conquer patriarchy and grind the former world masters under my cleats. I expect you to follow faithfully at my heels, for I shall require someone to keep me supplied with excellent coffee, chocolate and back rubs.
As a reward (if you behave impeccably in all ways), you will be allowed to retain your testicles intact. More or less.
Feedback is, of course, welcome...
-----------------------------
Woman of a certain age and shape seeks soul mate
Must be willing to surrender everything to the one you love (me), to adopt my particular form as your physical ideal and to be my ardent admirer in all areas. The sound of my voice must thrill you and the scent of my body intoxicate you. I will become your drug.
I expect to occupy the center of your attention at all times, and while I am absent, you should spend your free time devising new ways to please me. You will be expected to pay frequent sincere compliments without being asked. It is essential that you know exactly what I am thinking at all times to ensure that you do not say anything that might hurt, shock or antagonize me. You must learn to consider my feelings and well-being to be a sacred trust which it is your task to nurture with the utmost care and tenderness.
I am unique, and I know exactly what I want. You will be expected to know what that is at all times, to serve me without question or complaint and to worship me as your Queen. I will not reciprocate the worship (though I will occasionally caress your flesh and feed you enough crumbs of affection to keep you enslaved) because living in a patriarchal society has put me off Kings. Women must rule! - beginning at home, of course.
Once I have practiced my domination technique on you and gotten it right, I will move on to conquer patriarchy and grind the former world masters under my cleats. I expect you to follow faithfully at my heels, for I shall require someone to keep me supplied with excellent coffee, chocolate and back rubs.
As a reward (if you behave impeccably in all ways), you will be allowed to retain your testicles intact. More or less.
posted by:
|
Canada
|
