I like it.... and... I feel like I can't really say anything, since I don't have an agent (and I tried...)

but

It's none too personal. I mean, when I was looking for an agent, I actually phoned around to find out what other authors they represented, and let them know I knew it.

I think you do a great job of giving an idea of your writing style, and the opening is very funny, and you're self-assured, and show you're interested in and serious about promoting your own work, which is great... but it also seems a little long...

plus at the end you ask them to call you so the two of you can figure out what the other is looking for. If İ were an agent, I'd be thinking, 'This guy should already know what I'm looking for.'

I'm being harsh here, and I'm not saying you don't have the right idea, and I do think the tone is right. But I'm just say'in... you better be sure it's the best you can do. A couple of years ago I sent out something like 80 letters to agents... and only got 2 semi-interested responses.

also, in the next to last paragraph, that should be 'its,'
not 'it's.'

in the last paragraph, it should be 'what each of us IS looking for.'

Lemme know what happens.

Mike; I am NOT attacking you; you know me from Adam; but Josh can attest to the fact that I want to see everyone succeed in writing.

But your letter is completely whiney, submissive and unprofessional. I have both critiqued it and used what you have to rewrite it. This is of course my opinion. Good luck.


Greetings<<

Earthlings? Don't use this.


My name is Mike Coppolino. I am looking for an agent. <<

good! Keep this.

Life has thrown me some odd angles of late. Right at this moment I am helping my sister take care of her daughter following a disaster story of a relationship. Not a big deal really, it seems something every one of us should be obligated to do, like mandatory Russian military service only applied to diaper changing. Sometimes this means cleaning up the worst sort of finger painting, but what are you gonna do? Wishing it into metaphor doesn’t make the reality go away, so I’m here making the best of the situation. <<<

This is WAY too personal and it makes you seem like ANYTHING but ready to consentrate on your writing. The agent will think: Is this guy going to be changing diapers and taking care of family members, or will he produce writing for me?

While in this position, I figure it’s best to make the most of my free time by writing constantly and selling as much of the work as possible. To achieve this goal, I have come to you.<<<

No. You are a serious writer. You do not "write in your spare time." To achieve your goal; you write so much, you do not have time to submit to every Tom Dick and Harry, that's why you need HIM.

I may be coming to you naïve of the game, but in my ignorance, I cannot be sure.<<<

This makes no sense 1.; 2. Don't EVER put yourself down when searching for somebody who's job it is to put your strengths forward to others. Don't ever claim ignorance...what are you thinking?


Many editors and authorities who know the inner workings of the writing market have told me that frustration is a necessary part of becoming a success. Horror stories abound. I've heard that my favorite novel 'Watership Down' got rejected twenty six times by publishers, that Harry Potter got rejected fourteen times and on and on more horror stories of good writing gone unnoticed and overlooked for years. From the examples above, the impression is it’s almost luck of the draw. If I haven’t got a name in the business; I must pay my dues by sending out, getting rejected, and sending out and getting rejected until I succeed or fall through the cracks like a good sport, playing percentages like someone wandering around in a thunderstorm with a saucepan on his head, just hoping for the off chance I get struck by lightning. <<<

What is this all about? Is this to prove you know what you are talking about? Yu are essentially saying...I don't know much...and what little I know...I'll jam into a paragraph here so you can definitely pick up that I will not be a strong client.


Blah frustration! I find it impossible to deal with the currency and I am ignorant of the exchange rate. I don’t get frustrated, I only channel my energy into innovation, creating avenues of communication, along with new stories, plays, articles, novels, and screenplays. So that’s what I’ve been doing for years, just plugging away and writing a few hours a night. But along the way, I couldn’t help but feel there were some important changes being made in the business of writing, certain angles that might bypass much of the frustration felt in earlier days of the market. One trend I am watching (and participating in) is the development of new technology and communication networks emerging as tools for the promotion of written work. I feel that by employing these tools, I might reduce the need for trial and error in finding people willing to publish my work. <<<

What is the purpose of all this? You aren't trying to impress him with what you can do...your drama?; you are trying to, with this letter, show him you will not be a bother at all; you will write; write good things and that he will be successful to take you as a client. That is all you need say; and that's all he/she has time for.

This submission letter is a part of that strategy. It is an advertisement of a way to present my work as a show rather than a collection of letters, and hopefully, a way to entertain you, even if you don't take me on as an agent. <<<

You are saying here, I'm sure you have plenty of time to read my stuff for fun...your time with other clients means nothing; I'm sure you will be entertained by something you do not choose to represent; WHO would DO that? Who would be entertained by something that they would not sell?



The idea is to check out the show as it develops, with weekly updates and new stories. To do this, I've set up my blog as a sort of virtual supermarket to sell stories. When you see something you like, point it out and I'll take it from the shelf so you can run it to editors, publishers and magazines. Here is the link to my catalog:

colorado.tribe.net/template...%2Coc%2CDetail.vm<<<

No one is going to take the time to look up and read your blog. Not even me; even though I'm taking lots of time to try and help you.

I always tell my students and this is 100% true; the EASIER it is to grade your work; the better your grade will be. Never tell an agent or an editor to look up your stuff on a blog and take the time to pull and edit what you like. Also, you've given him permission to rip you off for free!

You are saying over and over by; your long letter; your lack of presentation; your assumption he'd read for pleasure; and your personal dramatic writing that this person's time means nothing.




This novel is being posted as an experiment on tribe.net, a sort of internet collective where people go to exchange ideas. I am using tribe.net as a tool to get criticism for the novel and stories as they emerge. This has created new looks at my work; and hopefully has increased attention and gained readers. At this point there is a little over a hundred pages of material posted. Take a look through this and see if this is something you would feel comfortable selling to publishers.

Here's a thought: if this person ACTUALLY looked up your writing...what do you think he'd see? Everything from Burningman hippy love to Pornography; and THAT'S where you have your work.

The short stories will probably be posted in six week cycles, with "Kresnick's Lost Hour" making it's appearance two weeks from now. <<<

are you really referring to something you have not referenced, described or introduced in your letter...as if the person already knows what you are talking about?



Always appreciative of your time, <<

submissive and whiney...never use passive tone in a business letter.


Mike Coppolino
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>insert the agent's name here<

My name is Mike Coppolino. I am looking for an agent and I was told you would be a good one.

I write constantly and have sold "x" amount to"x" publications. I know my work would sell better with an agent, because I am more efficient at writing than selling. I know you would have an easy time selling the many stories, plays, articles, novels, and screenplays that I have not already sold.

As I said, I have a large body of work ready to sell and am producing more currently. My work only need be seen to achieve this goal, and I believe you can do that.

Enclosed are two examples of work from an online blog I have, which I am currently exposing to a large audience thanks to a particular site that allows me to self publish. I'd be happy to share the results of that experiment with you when we talk.

I am available for questions via e-mail or by telephone. Your experience coupled with my constant work, will allow both of us to make money and widen our 'circle of friends.'

Thank you for your consideration,

Mike Coppolino